You’re not getting into Heaven. Might as well get a good spot.
Reserve your plot in Hell before the good ones go. Lava views, corner lots, and neighbours you actually chose.
Plots open November 13, 2026. The waitlist is already longer than the bus queue.The map, in miniature
Nine rings. One palace. Plenty of parking.
Every lit plot is a real person who reserved a spot. There aren’t many yet. Choose accordingly.
Browse the mapHow it works
Take the assessment.
Five questions. We’ll tell you which district you’ve earned.
Pick your plot.
Lakeside, corner, or next to your friends. From $0.99.
Get your deed.
An official-looking deed with no official value, and a link to show off your new address.
Every plot comes with a daily routine.
Your torments are assigned at random, for free. Don’t like yours? Choose your own.
Recent sales
Satan RealtyEst. before timeThe districts
Nine districts. Something for every sinner.
The Annex: new districts open as soon as the old ones fill up.
Penthouses
Hell’s most exclusive addresses.
| Address | Owner |
|---|---|
| Circle 1, Limbo | Opens November 13, 2026 |
| Circle 2, Lust | Opens November 13, 2026 |
| Circle 3, Gluttony | Opens November 13, 2026 |
| Circle 4, Greed | Opens November 13, 2026 |
| Circle 5, Wrath | Opens November 13, 2026 |
| Circle 6, Heresy | Opens November 13, 2026 |
| Circle 7, Violence | Opens November 13, 2026 |
| Circle 8, Fraud | Opens November 13, 2026 |
| Circle 9, Treachery | Opens November 13, 2026 |
Satire. The prices are real. The property is not.
Is this real?
It’s satire you can buy. You get a named spot on a shared map, a deed and a share link. It has no real, legal or spiritual value.
Do I need an account?
No. You pay with a card and get your plot link and a private management link by email.
Can I get a refund?
Yes, within 14 days of purchase, for any reason. You get everything back and your plot goes back on the market.